How to Lose Your Ghost in 7 Days
by Sakurazukamori6
Summary: Has anyone ever asked themselves what would happen if Doumeki died and became a ghost. No? Well just humor me then. Doumeki/Watanuki.
1. Riceball of Doom

**A/n:** This fic is just something stupid I came up with. The chapters will be very short and very pointless. I warn you now, this is nothing serious, even though Doumeki dies. It works itself out, for some odd reason, it works itself out. Also the chapters are divided up into portions of a day. I didn't feel like cramming one day's worth into a chapter, so chapters will probably come in pairs or triplets. Okay enough rambling. Proceed.

* * *

"Do you have to do that?" Watanuki asked, as Doumeki crammed an entire rice ball into his mouth and didn't chew…just scarfed. 

"I'm hungry." Doumeki answered back, in the midst of still digesting his umeboshi rice ball, but thankful that his lung passages were free so he could still speak. It was important to speak, because he was having lunch with Watanuki, and if he didn't talk back to Watanuki, it would be rude. He was a gentleman after all.

"Give me some of your tempura." Doumeki put his hand out, waiting for the tempura. It was also very polite to ask others for things you wanted.

Watanuki stared at him and didn't seem to appreciate the request.

Doumeki didn't understand how he couldn't appreciate it. At least he didn't grab it from his bento, like he usually did. Watanuki should really be thankful to him for that.

"You've got some nerve."

Doumeki not minding the psychological abuse served along with the tempura, crammed another rice ball in his mouth.

Watanuki made a face at him. "You eat like a kid."

"I have a fast metabolism."

"I don't mean it like that, you idiot!" Watanuki bellowed, looking completely put off by Doumeki's etiquette. "Where do your manners run off to when you have lunch with me, huh?"

"They're right here." Doumeki answered and shoved another rice ball in his mouth, but it was on this rice ball that something strange happened. Instead of going down his throat like all the normal, good little rice balls that had been here previous, this rice ball unlike its brothers didn't seem like it was going to give in without a fight.

Doumeki knocked his fist to his chest, but the little rice-ball-that-could still hung in there, clogging up his airways and making him cough.

"I told you not to eat so fast." Watanuki said, holding out his tea thermos. "If you choke to death, it'll be your fault." Watanuki chastised lightly, without realizing that at this very moment, Doumeki was indeed slowly being choked.

Doumeki slammed his fist to his chest and the abrupt motion startled Watanuki.

"What…?" Watanuki watched the other boy as he began to pound his fist to his chest, completely not saying anything and doing nothing else, but pounding his fist to his chest. His face also looked a bit red and it had come to Watanuki attention that Doumeki's face was never red. Only one color, and that it seemed physically impossible for that bastard to have a different shade, unless it was like a different shade of paler.

"Doumeki?" He put his hand on his shoulder, despite the cooty factor, and Doumeki's eyes still looked completely the same, still that tired, groggy face, only a bit red, and now a little bit blue. Doumeki tried to stand, like he was attempting to get away from him, but then he sat back down and then proceeded to pass right out.


	2. Dead as a doorknob

When he woke up, Doumeki found himself in a room with oriental carpets hanging all over the walls. He saw the smoke of incense lightly wafting through the air, but strangely he could not smell it. And the whole thing about waking up wasn't like normal waking up, where he would sit up from his bed and open his eyes. No this waking up had already covered all the bases, as he was on his feet when he opened his eyes and standing in the middle of this room.

Strange.

Well, not as strange as him waking up in a strange, incense-filled, Persian Nights carpet room, so he would just choose to move along. Doumeki searched around for a door, and when he found one, he walked up to it and grabbed the handle, except he didn't so much as grab it, as his hand fazed right through it.

Weird.

He tried again, but after his seventh try, the doorknob still wouldn't cooperate. He came up to the door and made to push his hand against it, but would you look at that, his hand had just gone through it, gone through solid oak.

Baffling.

It was here that Doumeki started to think that he was dreaming. He could be dreaming. It wouldn't be entirely impossible, especially considering all the strange, weird, baffling things that were going on.

He pushed his other hand through the door and now that he thought about it like a dream, these things didn't seem all that out of place. This was a dream after all. At least he wasn't being attacked by mushroom people and being made to fly while singing, "I'm a little teapot." Because he had done that in a dream once and it had left a bad after taste in his mouth when he woke up the next day.

He could handle walking through walls, and so with that thought, Doumeki walked right through the wall and into the hallway. He wandered for some time down this hallway, the abundant shoji screens lining his path not making navigating any easier. He was conflicted on which door to slide open, however when he heard the sounds of muffled…singing? He quickly chose the shoji screen from which it seemed to be coming from.

"Dead as a doorknob. Dead as a doorknob," those two midget things sing-songed, while holding hands and running in a circle. If they were here, then he was in Yuko's shop.

He noticed a second later that both Yuko and Watanuki were in the room and that Watanuki was bent over somebody. He couldn't see whoever it was laid out on a futon, the hump of feet sticking up in the covers.

"Are you sure you can bring him back?" Watanuki said, and his hand was wringing out a washcloth in a basin, then he turned and Doumeki could only see his back and his shoulders, as they moved to do something that required a washcloth.

"It will probably take a week, but considering he is dead, I think it's not too long a wait."

"No…I guess…but still," Watanuki wrung the cloth in the basin and turned to his front again to do whatever it was he was doing. "I feel bad for making him that rice ball. I didn't think the food would be affected by the shop."

"Well be glad that it was a faulty product of the shop, otherwise I wouldn't be able to bring him back to life. It's best to owe a customer than to have the customer owing you, and the price would have been a hefty one, considering what it takes to bring people back to life."

"You don't have to tell me. Although, you know I would have done-"

"Long face is here." Maru chirped. "Long face is here." Moro repeated. Watanuki broken off from his words to Yuko turned his head in his direction with a creaking noise, his eyes going wide when he saw him standing in the shadow of the doorway.

"Yo."

Watanuki's eyes hadn't gone down with the normal greeting, but had gone even wider. He started shaking and then suddenly he burst into a glass shattering, "AAHHHHHHHHH!"

Doumeki put his hands over his ears.


	3. The Beginnings of Ghost Doumeki

"So that's me?" Doumeki asked, and he pointed down to the body in the futon, his own face staring back at him, the strangeness at seeing it as it lay still and passive, his features slackened in sleep…er death. He was going to have to get used to that.

"Yes." Yuko answered coolly and then blew smoke out of her pipe. "You're dead for the time being. Does that bother you?" She asked, like she'd just offered him a squished sandwich, and not just told him he was dead. Dead.

Doumeki took some time to try and wrap his feelings around this.

"No."

Yuko smiled at him. "Not even a little."

Off in the corner Watanuki was shivering and still trying to calm his heart that had leaped into his throat and was simultaneously trying to choke him. Maybe they'd have repeat of this afternoon.

"You told me you could bring me back. What do I have to regret?" Doumeki said with his enviable calm. Watanuki snapped out of his shock long enough to shout words of disbelief.

"I can't believe you--you're dead you moron! You're a ghost…a…" Watanuki shivered and scooted away. Yuko couldn't blame him, because ghost did funny things to Watanuki and considering Doumeki already did funny things to Watanuki when he was normal, Yuko was surprised her employee hadn't run out of the room screaming yet.

"So?" Doumeki said, as he looked around the room and not at the person he was supposed to be convincing. "You see ghosts all the time." Really what was the big deal?

"You…" Watanuki clutched his chest like it was hurting him, then a visible tremor like a bolt of electricity shot through the boy's spin. His hackles rose like a cat, and his eyes narrowed. "Yuko do something." Watanuki asked. Doumeki was making him feel weird, as the boy's emotions were being broadcasted, his entire aura transmitted to Watanuki via the link he held with all ghosts. Watanuki had always hated this more than he hated how ghost would latch onto him, because this act seemed to violate him more. But this was the first time that the wave of emotion had ever hit him this strong. You'd think it would be the complete opposite, considering this was Doumeki they were talking about, the human wall, who didn't have more than one facial expression to his arsenal, but Doumeki through a constant stream of emotion was making him ache in his chest.

Watanuki flushed, suddenly scampered to his feet, and stumbled out the sliding doors, leaving Yuko and Doumeki to stare after him.

When Doumeki inquired what was wrong with Watanuki that he would just up and leave, Yuko said, "He's just getting used to your presence. He's not used to having so much directed at him at once."

Doumeki didn't ask what "so much" was, but he had a clue that Yuko-san wouldn't tell him, even if he did ask. Then Doumeki felt it, for a split second he had felt a tugging at his heart, like a bow being fitted with an arrow. He found himself standing without his knowledge and then as he stood there, he turned to look at Yuko again, like the woman would be able to clear up this new emotion welling inside of him.

"Go follow him. It's what ghosts do, after all." She said with a smile creeping on her face.

Doumeki didn't question this strange new feeling, but now that he thought about it, it wasn't so strange, not when he had felt its tug and presence when he was still alive. It wasn't so strange to follow after Watanuki. He'd done it on more than one occasion. Following Watanuki was only a natural occurrence to him, so without giving it another thought he walked out of the room and went to find the other boy.


	4. Fix Your Aura

"What are you doing?" Watanuki asked, as Doumeki waited in the doorway of the bathroom for him to finish splashing his face with cold water.

"I'm waiting for you."

Watanuki splashed more water on his face. "That's nice, but I don't remember ever asking you to wait for me."

"I'll wait." Doumeki said.

"Look," Doumeki noticed that Watanuki's face was still flushed and his breathing still heavy. "If you want to hang out with me…you should know…" Watanuki gulped, "…you should know that you're different now. It's not just you the person hanging out. It's all your feelings and everything mixed up in there." Watanuki wiped his brow with the back of his hand, and even through the cool water, he could feel himself breaking out into a cold sweat.

For the first time since any of this, Doumeki's eyes widened and then when he realized that Watanuki was looking his way, he covered the expression.

"Arrg, you're driving me nuts." Watanuki said and fanned himself as he leaned against the sink. "What the hell do you have to be so emotional for?" Watanuki asked, not expecting an answer, but trying to sort out why Doumeki's aura was so…fucked up. Damn, it was like a well had released and all the waters were directed at him. It was so freaky how Doumeki could have this kind of aura under his calm and placid exterior. It was a direct inverse of his personality.

Doumeki felt embarrassment for the first time _ever_ in Watanuki's presence. He didn't know what he should do. It wasn't Watanuki's fault that he could sense the feelings from ghosts and all the other things that followed after him. It was the exact reason why Watanuki could tell what was bad and what was good whenever these things showed up. However he never thought he'd be on the receiving end of this kind of inspection. Not to mention what Watanuki had just said about him. He couldn't deny it. Watanuki's senses were much more accurate than anything he could use to deny his claims. It was almost like he was being showcased, like his feelings were on display and Watanuki held all the keys.

"Does it make you feel nauseous?" Doumeki asked, because if his feelings were making Watanuki sick than that had to be a really, really bad sign.

Watanuki shook his head and then looked thoughtful. "No, not that. It's just," he clamped his mouth shut and a blush formed on the bridge of his nose. He then turned his stare on Doumeki, completely throwing aside the boy's…er ghost's question so he could give out his own. "Are you mad at me or something? Because it almost feels like your mad at me…or you want something. I usually run into ghost who try to possess me and this is the exact feeling I get Doumeki, so you better explain what the hell I did to you to get you so damn peeved."

"I'm not mad." Doumeki said. This was getting really awkward. He might have to start admitting some things to himself and to the boy in front of him if this kept up. "I guess I'm just conflicted about some stuff…" Doumeki finished lamely. This ghost business was already off to a messy start and it hadn't even been an hour.

"Well stop directing it at me. I'm not you're punching bag, you moron. It's making me feel weird." Watanuki pushed off from the sink and walked back out into the hallway. Doumeki followed after him and Watanuki stopped suddenly. "Take two steps back." He commanded. "This is punishment for not listening to me. Can't you put a cork in it, I think I'm gonna faint."

Doumeki took two steps back and then he made null his actions by taking two steps forward.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know." Doumeki said, and he moved to Watanuki's side. "This makes it feel better. I guess."

"You guess? Look, I'm going to tell Yuko to give you something for this, because there's no way you can be around me with your aura freakin' me out. So just go and wait outside and I'll come back."


	5. Follow the Leader

"Here. You idiot, take it and be grateful."

Doumeki took the beaded charm and slipped it around his wrist. "It smells like camphor balls."

"That's because Yuko-_san_ doesn't understand to not shove her valuables in the draw she keeps her clothes." Watanuki said tartly and started walking down the street. Doumeki followed after him.

"What are you doing?" Watanuki asked when he realized Doumeki was still walking behind him.

"I'm following you. I wouldn't be much of a ghost if I didn't." Doumeki finished and thought there were some perks to being…dead. He just never thought he'd have found one so fast.

"Don't follow after me." Watanuki said, and his pace quickened.

"But then why'd you get me that charm?" Doumeki also quickened his pace.

"Because I don't want you to bother me when I go to Yuko's place tomorrow. I do work there you know." Watanuki walked faster, thinking all the while this was cardiovascular-workout at its best.

"You want me to stay with Yuko-san?" Doumeki asked, but not really.

"Yes, a good ghost should haunt the place he shows up in, not follow somebody around." Watanuki realized that he was making great time to his apartment.

"So then how do you explain those guys?" Doumeki pointed behind him and there was a flock of creatures drifting behind them and getting closer as dusk approached. "They look like professionals." Doumeki made a note that one of the ghosts didn't have a head and one of them was dragging behind his arms. If that wasn't professional level, he didn't know what was. "It seems like the thing to do when you're a ghost."

"Oh for the love of--" Watanuki didn't look as terrified as he usual did when ghost showed up, instead he looked more aggravated. Doumeki thought that last bit had something to do with him. "I'd much rather have them following me around than you."

"Why?" Doumeki asked and actually wanted to know the answer to this.

"Because I can frickin' outrun them." Watanuki supplied and didn't care how much that hurt his track star pride, because dammit there was a bigger picture here. "You on the other hand are going to give me trouble, so go back to Yuko's and stay put."

"Okay." Doumeki said, and despite his word(s) he was still following after him.

Watanuki sighed as he was coming up to his apartment building. "What the hell did I just say?"

"You said you couldn't live without me." Doumeki, even though he was a ghost, still had to sidestep the swipe to his head. Ghost could touch Watanuki, so it was only fair that Watanuki could touch ghost. Doumeki wondered what it would have been like if Watanuki couldn't do the latter and was forced to listen to him without resorting to violence. That sounded like fun.

"I said no such thing you gerbil. Now get your ass off my property." Watanuki was now climbing his stairs, the ghost still following behind.

"You want me to leave you alone with your fan club." Doumeki gestured his thumb at the groaning, writhing mass of pain and death behind him.

"Yes, they're my company for tonight."

"Can't I be your company for tonight?"

Watanuki upon his words flushed and dropped his key in the process of trying to open the door. "God, go pick somebody else up. I don't have time for this." Watanuki finally successful in opening his door shoved his way into his apartment and Doumeki followed him in. "Your parents are going to be worried about you." Watanuki continued. "You should go visit them. You live in a temple after all. It would only be right that you would go there."

"It won't kill them if I spend one night away from home." Doumeki added. He looked down at his feet upon entering the apartment. "It doesn't look like I can take off my shoes."

"My god, _what_ are you going to do?" Watanuki said in exaggerated bitchy tones. Then he threw his hands up in the air and his voice was just plain bitchy. "You're dead and you're worrying about your shoes."

"I was just trying to be polite," Doumeki said and then he got an idea. "Unless you don't care what I do." He slipped his hand under the charm and made it look like he was about to slip it off.

Watanuki put his hands out as if to stop him. "Keep that on!"

It seemed like control had switched to Doumeki's hands with the mere mention of disregarding this suppressing amulet. He liked that.


	6. Bathroom Break

"Do you always take so long to floss?" Doumeki asked, as he sat on the raised edge of Watanuki's shower and waited for the boy to finish his nightly grooming.

"Go to sleep."

"I thought ghost didn't sleep." Doumeki said. "It would explain why I'm wide awake right now."

"Where's a good priest when you need one?" Watanuki begged and looked at Doumeki through the fall of his hair.

"You missed a spot." Doumeki pointed to his front teeth and Watanuki suddenly turned back to the mirror.

"I missed a-" Then the joke was on Watanuki. "Haha, very funny. Yes, we get our chuckles from doing childish, moronic things. Good that you know yourself so well."

"Thanks." Doumeki said, truly appreciative that Watanuki also knew him so well.

"God, what I wouldn't give for a cross that works." Watanuki said and looked him dead in the face.

"I'm not the Anti-Christ." Doumeki supplied.

"You could have fooled me." Watanuki said and threw the bit of used floss into his wastebasket. "Now, get out and give me some room, I need to use the facilities." Watanuki pointed to the door.

"Okay." Doumeki said and didn't move from his spot.

"We have a problem here." Watanuki said, trying to work out their communication issues before he resorted to killing Doumeki for a second time.


	7. Even in Sleep there is no Escape

"No…Yuko-san…that's too much…you shouldn't drink that-" Watanuki groaned in his sleep and flopped to his side, curling in on himself and fisting his sheets between pale fingers.

Doumeki wide-awake, sat cross-legged to the side of Watanuki's futon. This wasn't the first time he'd watched Watanuki sleep, but it was surely the first time Doumeki had seen him make such a fuss while under the influence of lala-land. Watanuki wasn't a fitful sleeper from what Doumeki had witnessed whenever he'd been saddled with an unconscious Watanuki. He usually didn't move around, but stayed rooted to one spot on the bed, his back to the futon and his hands linked over his chest like a little girl's dolly.

Watanuki tossed his hand out again and kicked the sheet's away. His brow was sweating slightly, but Doumeki couldn't tell if it was due to the temperature, as he could not feel such changes in the air anymore.

"Stupid…think you're so…if I hit you with a chair you wouldn't be smiling." Doumeki raised an eyebrow at this and continued to watch the other boy as he rolled back on his other side. "Dou…mekiii." Watanuki whispered like he was conscious of what he was saying and was trying to get his attention.

"Hmm?" Doumeki found himself responding before he could stop himself, even though he knew the other boy was out cold.

Watanuki rolled on his stomach, the pajamas he was wearing riding up, the shirt piece showing off his lower back, the skin pale and soft looking. "When you leave…I'll take away your bento."

Huh?

Doumeki too busy being baffled by Watanuki's sudden words to enjoy the view he was afforded, didn't even try to look when the boy rolled on his back again, the shirt--by the workings of some benevolent god who deemed that Watanuki's shirts just had too many buttons--parting at his belly button and showing off his thin stomach and hips.

Okay maybe he looked a little.


	8. In One Ear and Out the Other

**A/n:** This is the starting of day two. As I want to keep track of the days, I'll be posting an author's note everytime a day is finished. My attempt at organizing this mess of scenes. Also I wanted to explain that the amulet/charm thingie that Watanuki gave to Doumeki and that Doumeki wears on his wrist is just to suppress all the emotions that Doumeki is giving out. It seems like Watanuki is an empath when it comes to ghost, since he usually gets hit with that black cloud of uncool, emotional vibage whenever ghosts show up. It should be no different with Doumeki, but considering Doumeki wants something "else" from Watanuki, it's bound to manifest itself as something stronger. I don't know, I'm just making stuff up. Now, onward with my idiocy!

* * *

"You talk in your sleep." Doumeki informed him as they were walking down the street towards school.

"No, I don't." Watanuki hissed and shifted instantaneously into polite, smiling mode when an older woman walked by.

"You moan a lot too." Doumeki informed him again and couldn't say he minded the moaning, as it had been a pleasant surprise to hear Watanuki who had been cursing him two-ways-to-sunday in his sleep one minute and then moaning like a zealous virgin the next.

Watanuki gave Doumeki a sidelong look and tried not to think too long or too hard about what Doumeki had just said. "Don't follow me. You can't come to school."

"I don't want to miss anything in my classes. I have tests coming up." Doumeki _flagrantly_ lied. Yes, flagrantly.

"That never stopped you before." Watanuki squinted his eyes at him, his Doumeki-senses tingling, because was it just him or was Doumeki trying not to smirk.

"I'm not hurting anybody. No one can even see me." Doumeki reasoned.

"I can see you." Watanuki reasoned back.

"You don't count." Doumeki said and thought that his answer was reasonable and logical enough where he had the final word. Doumeki then proceeded to watch Watanuki hold in his anger like a psychopath given the wrong pharmaceutical prescription. Ghost or no ghost, Doumeki thought, he could still rightly annoy Watanuki. Ah, all was Zen in his universe.


	9. What is Wrong with You?

"That guy's looking at your paper." Doumeki said and pointed to the person beside Watanuki, who was in fact looking at his answers.

Watanuki doing the smart, mature thing did not answer Doumeki back, as he suspected if he did attempt a response, he might end up exploding into a fit of undaunted rage the likes Private-cross would never be able to contain. Doumeki--the obstinate bastard--had not only followed him to every one of _his _classes (what happened to those tests Doumeki?) But had also commented on every_ single, little, frickin' _thing that caught his eye during this most plague-worthy of a day.

Doumeki was currently walking around his classroom and scooping out anything and everything that his classmates did in respect to him.

"These guys are talking about you." Doumeki said from across the room and Watanuki had to shut his eyes and concentrate to try and block out his incessant monotone.

"They're saying you would make a good edition to the soccer team. They want you to join their club."

Watanuki unfairly reminded that he was in the go-home-after-school club or more precisely the go-home-and-then-off-to-Yuko's-scary-ass-shop club, already knew the drill when such advances were made in concerns to him. He had turned down many requests for club activities, especially the soccer and culinary clubs.

"This guy says you look like a toothpick and that if someone pushes you over, you might break." Doumeki pointed down to said guy who just had the nerve to call him a toothpick, even though he wanted him on his soccer team.

Bastard.

"This guy," Doumeki pointed down to another one, "Says you're really fast and that he's surprised the track team hasn't gotten to you yet."

Well he was fast, but that was after a lifetime of running away from ghosts and…his recent hobby of running away from Doumeki.

"This guy," Doumeki pointed down to another, "says he likes your cooking." Doumeki after saying this looked down at the boy who had showed interest in Watanuki's other finer talents and tried, to the horror of Watanuki to spook him!

What. The. Fuck?

Watanuki had to restrain himself from yelling across the room at the idiot, as said idiot tried to pick up the boy's eraser and when that failed, Doumeki shoved his hand through the boy's face, which rightly gave the archer's current target the heebie-jeebies. Then Doumeki when he realized this method was effective proceeded to shove his phantom hand through the heads of every other boy sitting within the gossiping circle.

There was no question about it. Doumeki was seriously demented.


	10. Food Envy

"How does it taste?" Doumeki asked him.

"Like food." Watanuki said, not giving it any thought, as he chewed and swallowed. Doumeki eyed his bento and then asked him again, "How does it taste?"

"Yeesh, you're like a broken record. Look, just have some-" Then Watanuki remembered the error of his ways. "Oh that's right." And then the error of his ways made him smile sweetly. "Must suck if you can't even have _one_ bite." Watanuki evilly broke a piece of the croquette he was eating, the flaky, evenly golden outer layer opening up to expose the soft, center within. He sunk his teeth into it and smiled. "Mmm-mmm. These are _so_ good." Watanuki said, with added commentary for his cooking. Usually he just ate whatever he prepared and didn't have much to say on it either way, but the look on Doumeki's face as he ate his croquette was priceless. The boy was obviously suffering from a case of food envy.

Doumeki, sitting more comfortably on the floor started toying with the charm on his wrist, and that motion made Watanuki freeze up and stop what he was doing.

"I don't have to wear this." Doumeki said, still toying with the charm.

"That's low." Watanuki countered.

"Well it's not nice to tease me with food." Doumeki said.

"Fine you idiot. The croquette tastes like flour and beef, and the lo mein I stuffed it with." Watanuki explained, and Doumeki wondered how the other boy could make such masterpieces and not do it justice by giving better descriptions.

Doumeki looked him dead in the eye. "Try again."


	11. Spread the Hunger Around

He was late for class and on top of being tardy he was hungry. Doumeki, the bastard had made him describe every morsel, down to grains of rice (Grains of rice!!) like he would be able to enjoy Watanuki's home cooking by description alone, and by the smug look on the archer's face, it seemed like he did very much enjoy himself. Hence the reason for the lateness, as the result of having to describe each and every morsel that he was _actually _allowed to eat made it impossible for him to finish his lunch.

Watanuki suspected that Doumeki took great pleasure in his hunger. The archer probably very sore about not being able to partake of the bento and finding solace in the idea that Watanuki could not partake of his meal either if he kept annoying him.

Doumeki was a spiteful bastard.


	12. Stalker

"Yuko-san, keep him here!" Watanuki demanded and watched his employer luxuriously drape herself all over a couch.

"Doumeki is his own person. I can not keep him here if he does not want to be." Yuko said, and to Watanuki that suspiciously sounded like an excuse.

"I can't take five more days of _this_." Watanuki begged and actually got down on his hands and knees so Yuko-san would take mercy on his soul.

"What are you complaining about?" Doumeki asked from his seat next to his physical body.

"I'm complaining about _you_ and your tendencies to follow me around!" Watanuki shouted and then turned sweet, pleading eyes on Yuko.

Maru and Moro, who were also in the room suddenly chimed up, "Stalker boyfriend, stalker boyfriend" and Watanuki who had been immersed in asking for aid, snapped his head in their direction. "Now hold on a min-"

"Kowai boyfriend, kowai boyfriend." They ran around Watanuki and somewhere amidst the scary-boyfriend-nonsense that they were spewing, Watanuki found his point.

"He _does_ scare away all the other ghost." Watanuki said, hand cupping his chin and eyes glancing over at Doumeki, as the archer stared blankly at his very-much-dead body.

Watanuki smirked. "You'd think they'd bond or something, but I guess even ghosts don't want to be his friends." Watanuki laughed. "Doumeki's so hopeless."

"Restraining order, restraining order." Maru and Moro chirruped and their bad timing popped Watanuki's good mood.

"Yuko-san!" Watanuki yelled, having some clue as to where Maru and Moro got their ideas.


	13. Possessed

"Ghosts have tried to possess you?" Doumeki posed, as he idled with the charm on his wrist.

Watanuki simmering azuki beans for ohagi looked over his shoulder at Doumeki, who was sitting on his living room floor. "Yes, but I'm pretty fast on my feet." Watanuki said and turned off the heat.

"I wonder if I could do it." Doumeki inferred, and got up from his seat.

"Do what?" Watanuki asked absently and shook the frying pan a little. He didn't hear Doumeki's approach, as the archer came up behind him, but Watanuki felt the hands touching his shoulders and the small hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

"Get your hands off me!" Watanuki warned.

"I'm trying something out." Doumeki said, like he was experimenting with a piece of fruit and not a live human being. "Hold still."

"Hold still? You hold still, you crazy asshole. And stop touching me!" Watanuki tried to elbow the idiot away, but ended up stumbling backwards and against Doumeki.

Suddenly everything went black.


	14. Nothing is Sacred

**A/n:** So it's now the third day and nothing has gotten better. I plan to torture Watanuki thoroughly by the time I'm finished with this. And when I say thoroughly, oh I mean it. I'm sorry Watanuki, even though I love you, you must offer yourself up to the wolves (Doumeki) in order to amuse thy readers. I wish you luck on your journey through Inferno. Mwhahahahaha.

* * *

"It's more cramped than I thought." Doumeki told him.

Watanuki blushed. "I feel violated, you pig." The bespeckled boy was crouched up in the corner of his room. It was the morning after and he was feeling the full effects of having someone take over his body for an entire night.

"You should clean out inside your head. It's messy." Doumeki said, and rubbed his black hole of a stomach. "I ate while I possessed you, but I didn't get full."

"I can't believe you were, were…_inside_ of me." Watanuki dragged his hands over his face; his fingernails trying to scratch away the icky feeling his sentence had brought on.

"You'd think your head wouldn't be so messed up." Doumeki said. "Since you're neat." He looked at the room to prove his point. "Hmm. Ironic." Doumeki said and liked that he could throw something back in Watanuki's face.

"You…you were _inside_ of me…and you were in my head." Watanuki still stuck on the fact of the horrible atrocities done unto him, tried to not weep at his now unclean body, because Doumeki had been here. Oh god. He'd have to take a shower, multiple showers and antibacterial soap. He'd have to use antibacterial soap!

"It's warm." Doumeki said. "It's pretty cozy in there." Doumeki put his hands together and rubbed them.

Watanuki put his face in his hands and burst out crying, his virginity (er…sort of) and his purity had been sullied by this…this…

"I wouldn't mind doing that again." Doumeki rolled onto his side and tucked his hands under his head like he was going to sleep.

"Nooooo!" Watanuki cried out, as he clutched his chest and his now vile body.


	15. Ah, to be Young

"He…Doumeki did something unspeakable to me." Watanuki bawled to Yuko, throwing himself down at her feet like a geisha giving herself over to corrupt officials for the good of the establishment.

Doumeki only shrugged when the older woman looked at him.

"He…he…" Watanuki couldn't say it. "He…_took_ my body." In a dramatic flourish that Doumeki could only describe as Oscar-worthy Watanuki curled an arm around himself and hid his tear-stained face in the crook of an elbow.

"Good for you." Yuko said to Doumeki and the archer nodded in agreement.

"NOOOO!" Watanuki screamed and rolled around on the floor in agony. "You don't understand!"

"I believe I do." Yuko said with a knowing expression. She was the time witch after all, what did she not know.

"No, he…he," Watanuki got quiet, big tear drops still hanging off his eyelashes, "He… _possessed_ me."

"Ah, young love." Yuko cooed and then went off to celebrate by getting so smashed she couldn't walk afterwards.

"_NOOOOOOOOO!"_


	16. Unexpected Guests

You're staying outside, you beast!" Watanuki yelled through his now closed front door, still fuming rather impressively about the fact that Doumeki had possessed him.

"I don't see the purpose of locking the door." Ghost Doumeki said, because lets remember he's a ghost.

"I don't care. Stay outside. Or go to Yuko-san." Watanuki shouted again, convinced this was the only way he could stop Doumeki from trying to possess him again. "I'm going to sleep, so don't come in here.

"You have some other visitors. Should I let them in?" Watanuki, even with Doumeki's voice as muffled as it was through the door, could still clearly hear what the archer had just said.

_"WHAT?!"_

"So let them in?" Doumeki asked. "They look like they want to scare you. Should I let them in?"

"No you freakazoid! Don't let them in here!" Watanuki screamed, panic evident.

"So can I come in?" Doumeki asked after a pause.

"No! You're an even bigger freakazoid!"

"So that's a yes." Doumeki said and walked through the door.


	17. Sleeping Next to the Devil

"I still can't believe you were done in by a rice ball," Watanuki said, as he prepared himself for bed, his previous ire momentarily forgotten as he reached the conclusion that Doumeki was an idiot and to get so bent out of shape for his idiocy would cause him to get ulcers. Watanuki sat on his bed and turned to the apparition that was his arch nemesis. "But why didn't you let me know you were choking. I know I couldn't have done much about it, since that rice ball was affected by Yuko's shop, but still…you could have let me try. I could have performed the Heimlich maneuver or something."

"Or CPR." Doumeki said, as he lay on his back and tilted his head in Watanuki's direction.

"You don't use CPR when someone's choking!"

"I was being choked by a magical riceball, you don't know that. Maybe it needed special measures."

"You're an idiot. And next time when you're choking to death at least give me a sign."

"I didn't think it was that serious…well until I couldn't breath and I passed out."

"You have no survival instincts. You tire me out. I'm going to sleep."

"Good night." Doumeki said and rolled onto his side so he could better watch Watanuki sleep.

Watanuki, who was also on his side and facing Doumeki opened his eyes when he felt the pressure of someone staring at him. "Stop looking at me."

"Then give me a manga." Doumeki bargained.

Watanuki sighed and sat up, getting ready to go find something readable for the idiot to preoccupy himself with. However Doumeki brought something to his attention.

"I can't turn the pages, so unless you want to stay up all night and turn the pages for me…" Doumeki was still on his side and looking at him. "It'll be easier this way." Doumeki propped his chin up and gazed at Watanuki like there was a full screen movie on his forehead.

Watanuki shut his eyes and concentrated hard on trying to ignore Doumeki.


	18. Learning the Ropes

**A/n:** We have now entered into Thursday and Doumeki seems to be losing his humanity at an exponential rate. So what will he do next, you ask. Well let's just say the unthinkable and leave it at that.

* * *

When he woke up with a splitting headache--going to sleep with Doumeki staring at you wasn't the best conditions to get a full night's rest--Watanuki hadn't expected to find Doumeki missing from his line of sight. 

"Doumeki" Watanuki called out, as he noticed right away that there was something especially spooky about his apartment on this dreary, cloud-cast morning.

"Doumeki, if you got exorcised while I was sleeping it's not my fault." Watanuki called out again, but despite the joking, he was worried. Doumeki wouldn't just up and leave, would he? Probably would, but--

Watanuki, hearing the creak of the floor behind him and a strange dragging sound, slowly turned around to be met with the sight of Doumeki. Now you'd think he'd be breathing a sigh of relief, but instead of being thankful that the idiot hadn't floated away to oblivion, Watanuki jumped back several feet and screamed so loud that people two blocks away could probably hear him.

"You don't like it?" Doumeki asked and looked down at himself.

Watanuki, who was now on the floor, knees having successfully buckled some seconds ago when Doumeki had made his appearance, stuttered out his disbelief at what he saw. "What-what is…_that_?"

There was now phantom blood oozing down Doumeki's arms, a set of chains trailing behind him and shackled to his hands. They made a clanking sound when he lifted his arms to show them off to Watanuki. "When you're a ghost, I guess this stuff is basic." Doumeki smirked. "You should have seen your face." Doumeki said, and he was the only person in the world that could make such a smug sentence sound completely apathetic. Doumeki's monotone was on a different level with most and apparently so was his sense of humor.

"I…" Watanuki's hand was still over his chest, unknowingly measuring his heartbeat as it thumped away rapidly. He didn't dare stand, because if even attempted, he knew he'd just fall right back over from shock.

"You think after a while I'll be able to summon lower level hell spawns?" Doumeki asked him with a serious face, the blood still running down his arms, the chains still clanking away. "I should ask Yuko-san, shouldn't I?"

Watanuki could only stare in abject horror as bloody Doumeki walked past him and entered into his kitchen.

"Are you having breakfast?"


	19. Be Afraid, be very afraid

"Stop learning about weird things when I sleep."

"Well it's better..." (involves-less-aggravation-for-you-and-the-police) "...than what I originally wanted to do." Doumeki said, and withheld the specifics of nightly activities that could be done in Watanuki's apartment, with the boy passed out and his…legs kind of open…

"Well no matter, just stop it. Okay." Watanuki moved his hand through his hair in a tired fashion and sighed deeply. It really shouldn't be a surprise at how exhausted he felt, especially since ghosts did tire him and Doumeki normal could tire him out with just a couple of words. So when the two biggest _annoyances _in his life came together like they were at the current moment, it had the double effect.

"I'm not gonna be able to stay awake in any of my classes." Watanuki yawned and covered his mouth politely with his palm.

"Need me to keep you awake?" Doumeki asked.

Watanuki looked at him suspiciously. "No thanks. I don't even want to know the methods you'd use to go about that after the shit you pulled this morning. You'd probably grow a second head or something."

Doumeki was about to disagree, explaining that there were more "enjoyable" ways of waking someone up. However, that might frighten Watanuki even more than the second head theory.


	20. Why won't you just DIE!

"I wonder where Doumeki-kun went off to?" Himawari-chan asked, and looked at Watanuki for an answer. The boy put a hand in front of him and waved it back and forth. "Oh that doesn't matter right now. (What matters is that you can't see him) Watanuki whispered.

"What?" Kunogi asked, as she picked apart her store bought chocolate.

Doumeki eyed the chocolate and felt his phantom stomach gurgle. "I think I'm going to die." Doumeki said, his words not taking on the faintest inflection, like he was just stating a fact. He looked at the girl's food, and then he looked at Watanuki's food. He was hungry.

"Is this what ghosts call regret?" Doumeki pondered out loud and Watanuki had to choke down the ohagi he was eating.

"Shut up." Watanuki said under his breath, trying to get the moron to be quiet because he was having a conversation with the lovely, beautiful, perfect, wonderful Himawari-chan.

"I regret not finishing that rice ball." Doumeki said and sat down next to Himawari-chan. He looked down at her bento. "I think I know the reason why ghost come after you."

Watanuki tried to wipe the panicked look off his face. Doumeki was going to get him in trouble, even if Himawari-chan couldn't see the big dofus, she might be able to sense something, or Watanuki would betray himself and start yelling at said dofus.

"They come after you because they're hungry. You should leave offerings for them and maybe they'll leave you alone." Doumeki said, and he looked at Watanuki like he wanted an offering too.

Watanuki's panicked expression turned angry. "You jackass."

"Watanuki?" Himawari asked, as Watanuki was looking directly at her, or directly to the left of her--but still kind of looking at her--and calling her a jackass…?

"No, no. Himawari-chan, you…" He tried to track down an excuse as fast as he could, and the only thing that came to him was--

"I have tourettes." Watanuki blurted

"And bipolar disorder." Doumeki added for clarification sake.

"No I _do_ not." Watanuki retorted, and then bit his lip when he realized that he'd said that aloud.

Himawari looked at him. "You do? Oh that's too bad." She made a sad face at him, but then instantaneously brightened up. "Is that the reason why you're always shouting things at Doumeki?"

"Yes."

"_No."_ Watanuki growled, and threw a spiteful look to the left of Himawari-chan.

"Then I don't think it's too bad. Tourettes sound fun." Himawari chirped (like a beautiful, song bird) in that completely oblivious way and Watanuki felt like crying that he didn't have tourettes and clarifying to Himawari-chan that it was a _horrible_ disease.

"Ahhaahah, yeah its not so…_bad_." Watanuki said weakly and wished that a big boulder would fall out of the sky and crush him, that way he didn't have to worry about anyone seeing him when he jumped on Doumeki and choked him to life, so he could choke him right back to death.


	21. Premeditated Possession

They were walking to his last class for the day, the hallway empty, as the bell had sounded two minutes ago. Watanuki however, who was usually very prompt in getting to his classes was not in the mood to walk any faster, his spirits having left him in a mass exodus after having to lie to the love of his life.

Watanuki slumped over and gave out a great heave and sigh.

"What's wrong with you?" Doumeki questioned, and Watanuki turned level eyes on the insensitive bastard before sighing again. He leaned up against a wall, his long arms dangling at his sides like spaghetti, as he moped and sighed some more.

"Did I do something?" Doumeki asked, his question not sounding apologetic at all.

"You always do _some-thing_." Watanuki said and continued to slouch.

Doumeki without any impetus stepped forward, and Watanuki could now see the archer's shadow thrown across his body and the wall, the orange light of the sun streaming in from the open windows running along the school building and turning their shadows into nothing but sharp angles and lines.

"Maybe you should take a break." Doumeki said and his shadow seemed to cover Watanuki, the light from the window being blocked out by his body.

"Easy for you to say." Watanuki sighed and noticed that Doumeki was far closer to him than propriety should have ever allowed. Watanuki found himself shrinking into the wall.

"Eh, what are you doing?" he asked nervously because Doumeki was boxing him in.

"I thought I should give you a break." Doumeki said in that completely nonchalant tone, like that would explain the reason why he was right in Watanuki's face.

"Okay…well-that's--um…" Watanuki stuttered, panicking as he closed his eyes and stuck his hands out to push Doumeki away. "Okay--that's enough. I'm feeling claustrophobic, so please MOVE!" Watanuki practically shouted that last part, wishing to high heaven that he had gone to class early instead of stalling in the hallways.

Doumeki was still standing there with that stupidly serious look on his face, one of his hands now braced against the wall to Watanuki's left. "You make everything harder than it has to be." Doumeki said and leaned in.

"Me! You're the fucking ghost her-" But before he could let that barb go, Doumeki had pressed his mouth to his and Watanuki had gone so limp he thought he'd slide to the floor, however the sudden dark of unconsciousness crept up on him before that could happen.


	22. Criminal Activity

**Sidenote:** If anyone knows what Princess, Princess is then they'll immediately get what this chapter is about. (I find it very funny that Watanuki's voice actor is also the voice for Princess, Princess's lead.) He's also--if I may continue my senseless rant-- Keito Ito from Gakuen Heaven (look at the shiny, shonen-ai tin foil its wrapped in) and Yumichika Ayasegawa (the eternal pretty boy) from Bleach. Not to mention Yayoi from Loveless. Just some more trivia. Doumeki's voice is also Zoro from One piece and Mugen from Samurai Champloo. Now I don't know about Mugen, but Zoro and Doumeki have that strong silent type thing going on. They also have the same hair (minus the green) and the same sleepy face. God I make no sense.

* * *

Watanuki rolled out of his futon (and didn't question why he was rolling out of bed five in the afternoon) He passed by his kitchen, making an instinctual beeline for his bathroom, however he didn't get very far, not when he caught his reflection in the shiny surface of a pot. 

Doumeki, who was sitting calmly by the wayside, kept his mouth shut, as he waited for Watanuki to get a good look at his reflection. This time the archer had chosen to spring a _particular_ surprise on Watanuki when he had possessed him earlier. The last three hours, Doumeki thought, had surely been interesting ones.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Watanuki screamed, as he clung desperately to the kitchenware, his eyes bugging out at what was reflected in the pot's sheen.

Doumeki had always known Watanuki would look good as a Lolita. He just hadn't known _how_ good. Watanuki obviously needed to make some life altering changes based on the epiphany of how good he looked in a frill skirt.

"YOU! YOU-YOU'VE GONE TO FAR THIS TIME!!"

Doumeki was about to assure Watanuki that he could have gone farther and bought him a nice pair of handcuffs to go with his lace bonnet.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

It wasn't so much as what he did, but more like what Yuko-san did. After all, he hadn't been the person (the genius) to suggest offhandedly that Watanuki had a nice build that would go cute with this dress that she'd received from a customer via payment for something or another. No, he hadn't been the one to suggest the lolita dress. He'd actually suggested the traditional kimono, but Yuko-san had said something about lace knee socks and how this particular lolita dress came up to mid thigh. Now, there was something very (very) appealing about knee high lace socks and short, frilly skirts on Watanuki, so much so, that his mind had been made up in less than a second. Did he also mention the apron design on the front?

"YOU HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES!!" Watanuki raved in lace and enough Victorian frillery to stifle a small third world country. He snatched the bonnet off his head, threw it on the floor and stomped on it. "YOU HAVE NO SOUL!" Watanuki pointed and accused.

Again Doumeki was going to assure him that he did indeed have a soul, just not a body.

"I--WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Watanuki looked down at himself and then at Doumeki.

"I'm not the one in the dress." Doumeki said and he knew that bit of smart-alecky was going to get him in trouble.

_"GET OUT!!!!" _


	23. Awkwaarrddd

**A/n:** It's Friday. My punishment for Watanuki continues. Now I understand the need to fairly deal out punishment between these two, but dammit, Doumeki isn't cooperating.

* * *

"So you're not talking to me now?" Doumeki asked, as they walked to school.

Watanuki, turning his nose up at him and stubborn to relent a response, continued to frown quietly.

Doumeki, taking that as a 'yes' thought it had to be bad if Watanuki didn't want to vocalize his anger. He didn't like it when Watanuki was quiet. It meant he was either plotting something against you, or his feelings were hurt.

Doumeki surmised that Watanuki was plotting something against him.

Watanuki, if he felt up to it, would have told the big, insensitive idiot that he had hurt his feelings. But it would be a cold day in Yuko's shop before that happened. Doumeki could be pretty scatter-brained in concern to other people, but even so, Watanuki couldn't believe how stupid he could be to just up and kiss him and not have anything to say about it afterwards. Yesterday, Watanuki had woken up pretty disorientated after having been possessed, and when he'd spotted himself in that _monstrosity_, his mind had shut down and only the insistent need to (somehow) kill Doumeki in a very violent and painful way had existed. He'd known Doumeki had a warped sense of humor, but that dress business was taking it to an extreme.

"Doumeki." Watanuki breathed out and tried to contain his anger.

Doumeki turned to look at him and the archer's deadpan face made him give up any sort of useless temper tantrum he could throw. "Nevermind." Watanuki finished and went back to ignoring the archer.

"I ate the last piece of ohagi you'd been saving for lunch." Doumeki said, his words sounding strangely apologetic. Watanuki had of course, noticed that his lunch for today was missing and he could only guess that Doumeki had raided his fridge when he had possessed him. It only reinforced the idea that Doumeki wasn't as sharp as he made everyone think, because if he were, he wouldn't be apologizing (well half apologizing) for the wrong thing. Watanuki frowning some more, spat out, "I'm not mad at you for eating. If I were, then I'd _always_ be mad at you. I'm mad at you…" this was going to sound really stupid, he thought, but he swallowed his embarrassment and went on"…I'm mad at you for…playing pranks on me. You shouldn't just kiss people without their permission like that. Couldn't you have found some other way to possess me? And that dress…you--" he stopped and pouted. "You're an asshole." Watanuki finished, not knowing any other way to end his speech.

When he glanced over at the archer, Doumeki was looking over at him strangely.

"What?" Watanuki said, annoyed.

"Then I have nothing to apologize for." Doumeki said, and looked ahead.

"You jerk!" Watanuki without meaning to had angrily grabbed him by the collar. "You have some nerve, you just don't get it do you!"

"I'm not playing pranks on you." Doumeki interrupted him. "So I don't have anything to apologize for." He said flatly and Watanuki about to unleash Armageddon, stopped and closed his mouth. He slowly released Doumeki and watched the archer closely.

"So…you weren't playing a prank on me?" He asked unsurely, and didn't understand how those things could be categorized as anything but pranks.

"No." Doumeki answered and he had a really serious--well even more serious look on his face.

"Okay." Watanuki said, not having expected this, his anger fizzling out like flat soda.

They stared at each other.

An awkward moment passed

Watanki suddenly flustered, turned his gaze to the floor and continued walking in the direction of school, and Doumeki, noticing the weirdness that had just passed between them, followed closely behind.


	24. Rumor attack!

"Why is everyone looking at me?" Watanuki asked, as he sat down for lunch on the quiet steps in front of the door that led to the school's rooftop.

"That's normal." Doumeki answered, sitting two steps below him.

"That's not normal!! Look I want to know what you did when you possessed me yesterday and be truthful." But then again Doumeki was always truthful with him when he asked him questions. Maybe a little _too_ truthful, embarrassing as this morning was. "You know what, lie to me. Lie to me because I don't want to hear the truth. Your truth scares me."

Doumeki looked up from his seat below and Watanuki noticed that his eyes looked even sharper from this angle. "What I did?" Doumeki said, like he was asking himself and then took a pause for, Watanuki presumed, to collect his thoughts. Although there was no such thing as thought-collecting when a smug little smile made its way on one Shizuka Doumeki's face.

"Why are you smirking? Oh god, you did something stupid--well it's you after all--but god the degree of stupid you did--wait! I don't want to know. Just lie to me!" Watanuki panicked and waited with bated breath even if it was a lie.

"I walked around school." Doumeki said, and was still looking up at him from his perch on the step below. Watanuki noticed that Doumeki's arm was causally draped over the step between them, his elbow right next to his foot. He threw a casual glance towards Watanuki and continued on. "I went to your class."

"Okay that's…not so weird." Doumeki could be a natural prick, come any day, but he wasn't such a bad guy, not if he would go out of his way to attend his class for him. Even if it was _originally_ his fault for having missed that class, but who was pointing fingers? At least Doumeki (the shameless prick) had been a little considerate this time. So Watanuki had nothing to worry about, if all were as Doumeki said. Yesterday had been a normal day at school.

"I spread a rumor or two."

Normal, conflict-free…

"What?" Watanuki didn't think he'd heard him right.

"I said I spread some rumors."

It took a while for Watanuki to think up a response to this. He hadn't expected Doumeki to be the type to spread rumors, as his frightening bluntness seemed to be the perfect thing for shattering any pettiness within his vicinity.

"What _kind_ of rumors would you spread that you'd need my body to do it?"

Suddenly the door to the stairwell slammed open and a boy, a third year was walking up the stairs. Watanuki immediately recognized him as the captain of the soccer team and bowed before the other could make his way over to him.

"Ah Watanuki-kun. I was looking everywhere for you. I heard about your situation from Youta-kun."

"Situation?" What the hell kind of rumor had Doumeki spread that there would be a situation, and a situation that involved the captain of the soccer team! "Sempai, I might have not been feeling well yesterday…so I might have said--"

"Nonsense, nonsense." The soccer captain said and gave Watanuki a sympathetic smile, the kind that you would give to an abused puppy.

Watanuki had a bad feeling about this.

"You should call me Morikawa," the boy suddenly offered and Watanuki smiled shakily.

"Ah…ha…yes Morikawa-sempai." Watanuki said and he was this close to running for the door.

"So will you be joining us today for soccer practice?" Morikawa said with all the enthusiasm he would have shown for a game.

Watanuki gave him a baffled look and then realized that this was what Doumeki had been alluding to by rumor. "Oh…I can't. I mean yesterday--"

"I heard about it from Youta. I was shocked at first, but then I thought it made sense, since you two are always around each other."

Eh. Wait, what? It was here that Watanuki realized he and his sempai weren't talking about the same thing anymore. What the hell did joining the soccer team have to do with…with "you two are always around each other?"

"I didn't know that guy was so possessive."

Oh Noes! That bad feeling had resurfaced with a vengeance and stronger than ever.

"Doumeki-kun sure surprises me. I tried to talk to him, but he's not around school. Man, if I knew it was because _your_ boyfriend didn't allow it, I wouldn't have been so calloused and asked you to join the soccer team without talking to him first."

Oh god! This wasn't happening! Pretend like it wasn't HAPPENING!

"You poor thing, and you wanted to play soccer so badly. I'll talk to Doumeki-kun for you. He's seems like a reasonable guy, albeit he's quiet as hell, but then the quiet types are always the ones you gotta look out for." He said conspiratorially and winked at Watanuki," Didn't know he'd get _that_ jealous though. But then again, Youta told me some pretty nasty stories about that, so I don't really know how to approach the guy. He might try to break my arm."

Watanuki not listening to his sempai anymore turned murderous eyes on Doumeki.

Doumeki was currently immersed in the interesting ceiling tiles above his head.

"Oh and if he's worried about the other guys on the soccer team. I'll talk to them. They think you're cute, but they won't go after another guy's" He put up his pinky finger and Watanuki blushed, mortified beyond speech. Morikawa didn't seem to mind at all, as he carried on his one sided conversation. "So you got nothing to worry about."

Oh god, this wasn't happening! He wasn't standing here and Morikawa-sempai was not telling him these things that shouldn't be spoken about so casually…and--OH GOD WHERE WAS SWEET LOVELY FEMALE HIMAWARI-CHAN WHEN YOU NEEDED HER?!!! He needed saving from this testosterone hell!!!

I'll talk to Doumeki-kun for you, so I want to see you at practice. Okay, Watanuki-kun?" The boy called out and leapt down the stairs, waving good-naturedly, even when he was the bearer of such horribly, horrendous news.

"That guy has a crush on you." Doumeki stated matter-of-factly, and watched Morikawa leave like a hawk would watch a snake.

Watanuki closed his eyes and pretended he was still in bed.


	25. Flowers for you

"You have some serious issues. Why aren't you in a mental institution?" Watanuki asked Doumeki seriously, because this was a serious issue.

"Would you visit me everyday if I were in one?" Doumeki asked with a smirk on his face. Voice bland, as if stating a fact, but words strangely flirtatious.

Watanuki despised the teasing, his face growing red and the need to punch Doumeki in the nose steadily rising. "I'd come to bring you medication, because you obviously are in _serious_ need of some." He turned to see the reaction his words had caused, but swiftly gave up when he noticed that Doumeki was paying more attention to all the pretty flowers on the side of the road than him.

"That's right. Ignore me you lunatic." Feeling himself enter lecture mode, even with the focus of the lecture not paying attention, Watanuki began anyway. "Why'd you start rumors like that about me? Have any idea how that makes me look? You're so irresponsible." Watanuki chastised, the embarrassment of this morning still fresh and clinging to his cheeks like a second skin. "You better apologize." Watanuki huffed, shifting his satchel on his arm. When he got no answer as expected, he couldn't help but turn around again and see what Doumeki was up to. The archer had stopped a couple of paces behind him, his gaze hovering over a small patch of blue flowers on the side of the road.

Watanuki unconsciously balled his fists. "Listen to me!!" He shouted and turned sharply on his heel.

"They're nice." Doumeki offered as some way of explaining his rampant ADD.

Watanuki sighed, his fury diminished by Doumeki as he looked at the flowers on the side of road like he didn't have a care in the world. "I almost envy your stupidity." Watanuki uttered with a dejected bow of the head and came to stoop over by the flowers.

"They're almost the same color as your eyes." Doumeki threw out and looked at the flowers with an indifferent gaze that could wilt the perkiness out of a clown.

Watanuki was about to instantly retaliate, but then he realized that Doumeki's words hadn't sounded like any form of insult or his own special brand of retarded logic. That had…actually sounded like…a…(dear he say it and not think he'd gone completely mad) a…

"Yours are a bit bluer though." Doumeki said and stood up. Watanuki, who was still stooped in front of the flowers, shocked that he was receiving what strangely sounded like a compliment from his most heinous of enemies, didn't try to respond when Doumeki stood there, waiting for him to come out of his daze.

"But they're probably not as loud as you." Doumeki added as an afterthought, and Watanuki, who had been having mixed feelings about Doumeki mere seconds ago, was quickly reminded why he hated the bastard.

"I'll give you a head start." Watanuki gritted out, an evil glimmer in his eyes as he stood up, getting ready to proceed with Doumeki's daily diet of strangulation.

"That's okay. I don't need it." Doumeki assured and stood there like Watanuki hadn't just threatened him with physical violence.


	26. Cranky pants

"I'm so exhausted." Watanuki sighed, falling into his futon after his hot shower and still in his bathrobe. Doumeki, who was leaning up against the wall across from his bed made a strange noise.

Watanuki not concerned, but curious, because he was never concerned over this dumbass, turned curious eyes on the other boy. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Doumeki said and came to sit closer to him. Watanuki watched him intently and then asked again. "You just made a noise."

"I talk, you know." Doumeki sat off to the side of his futon.

"I know you talk." Watanuki grumbled and threw a wilting glare over to Doumeki. "You talk too much!"

"Okay then." Doumeki said and when it didn't look like he was going to get anything more from his enemy, Watanuki gave up and angrily flopped back down in his futon.

He heard the noise again.

"Quit it. Are you trying to bug me?" Watanuki shot up in his bed, his hair tousled and one side of his bathroom slipping down to expose a shoulder. He didn't notice his state of dress until Doumeki pointedly looked over to his left and got his attention on the naked shoulder. He grimaced and yanked the material back into place.

"I'm going to sleep. If you make that sound again, I'm clocking you upside the head and tossing you in the river." Watanuki warned and rolled onto his side so he no longer had to put up with this.

He heard shuffling and then everything went silent, before he heard the rattle of something hitting the floor. "Doumeki…what did I just say?" He reminded with an irritated shuffle of his shoulders, the air feeling warm all of a sudden. Watanuki rolled on his stomach and glowered at the boy sitting across from him. There was something, he noticed lying inconspicuously on the ground, he watched it for a few more seconds before he startled awake from his grogginess, realizing that it was the suppressing bracelet.

"It's giving me a headache." Doumeki supplied when he caught the glare Watanuki had thrown his way.

"I don't want to hear it. Put it back on or get out. It's really warm in here now."

"You're not wearing much and it's giving me a headache." Doumeki scratched behind his head and Watanuki was somewhat shocked that Doumeki sounded a bit…irritated.

"My clothes are giving you a headache?" God you're a baby, Watanuki wanted to say but something in the way Doumeki kept frowning stopped him.

"No." Doumeki grunted, "The bracelet's giving me the headache, not your clothes."

"So why'd you mention my clothes?"

"Because you have no reason to be hot."

"You make no sense. Put. It. Back. On." Watanuki snatched it from the floor and held it out for the archer.

"It's not going to kill you." A voice that was usually cloaked in blandness, had taken on a mildly strained tone, and Watanuki had no doubt about it now. Doumeki sounded…angry.

"Oh my god, you're angry." Watanuki said and lit up like a Christmas tree, because this was the first time he'd ever seen the other boy show another expression that wasn't indifference. "You're angry. Why are you angry?" And the way Watanuki had asked there was no question that he was happily rejoicing over Doumeki's sourness. He supposed it was because he was a spiteful person too.

Crawling over to Doumeki, he poked the boy in the shoulder, willing the other for a response. "What's the matter, Mr. Cranky-Pants?" Watanuki teased and smiled, because Doumeki had actually caused his happiness instead of shattered it. Ce-le-bration!

"Nothing." Doumeki was actually…frowning. It was miniscule, but with Watanuki having been schooled in the arts of Doumeki and the different degrees of Apathetic the boy could summon up, Watanuki could distinguish a frown. And it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

_"Kawaii!!!"_ Watanuki squealed (yes squealed because he knew how aggravating that kind of thing was) and fell into a fitful of laughter, as Doumeki-bastard continued to pout. "Oh my god!" He clutched his sides and tried to recall the look on Doumeki's face, but he didn't have to as Doumek was currently reenacting it for him.

"You should see your face--its-you look like--why hasn't this happened before!" Watanuki rolled, not caring if his robe came off at this point, because the look on Doumeki's face was utterly priceless.


	27. Deforestation

Puberty had unfortunately hit one Shizuka Doumeki the moment he had become friends (Adversaries more like it) with Watanuki. So it was understandable that his body did weird things when under the influence of the other boy. He had gotten kind of used to it, so he was better at controlling whatever it was that came along when Watanuki was near. Although that had been before he'd turned into a ghost and became a walking emotional ball of un-vented hormones. It made no sense to him, since he currently had no body and the only way you could have hormones would be if you had a body.

Apparently that wasn't true.

Doumeki could proudly say he had a crush on someone that could give you both a physical and spiritual hard-on. Whatever the case, it explained some things about the persistent nature of ghosts when they came into contact with Watanuki.

Go figure he'd be one of them.

So it really wasn't a good idea (for Watanuki) when the archer continually put himself in a position that would have an unconscious Watanuki within arm's reach. He could easily solve this problem by getting up and walking out the door, or maybe the window, he was a ghost after all. He didn't think the rules of gravity applied to him anymore.

No human rules regulated him anymore, so things such as propriety and not-molesting-Watanuki-while-he-slept-in-a-loose-fitting-bathrobe didn't apply to him. He was outside the rulebook. Far outside, why he was practically on the other side of whatever rules he once had to abide by.

He had a conscience, but it didn't seem to hold up against Watanuki. Nothing ever did.

Doumeki stopped his pacing and wondered over to where Watanuki lay.

The real question here would be: if no one was around when a tree fell, does it make a sound? Except for that rhetoric to work it would be more like, if he felt up Watanuki and there was no one around, would the molestation have really taken place?

He liked philosophy, it tied away all the loose ends in life.

With that thought firmly in place, Doumeki leaned over, but he stopped himself. Something had just occurred to him. Every time he actively touched Watanuki he possessed him. There was no way getting around it and he had no way of controlling the possession time. He would have to wait to be booted out of the body, and by that time Watanuki would have some idea that he had been possessed the night before, even if he were asleep before the body snatching happened. Watanuki had strong instinct.

Doumeki pondered this and when he reached the conclusion that he didn't really care if Watanuki knew he possessed him in his sleep, he made up his mind that he had to make whatever he was about to do to Watanuki count, as he only got one chance to touch him.

And with that said, there was only one thing that came to mind.

He kissed him, although it was different than before, especially since Watanuki's mouth was lax in sleep and it was easy to maneuver it open with his tongue. Watanuki made a sound between a huff and a moan and it was swallowed deeply by the kiss. Doumeki could feel the lines of his consciousness beginning to blur; the soft warmth on his mouth gradually fading as the possession finally took effect.


	28. Memories are in the Making

**A/n:** Saturday is upon us and Watanuki is still suffering. I make it seem like the world is an unfair place…oh wait.

* * *

"I'm not going to say this again," Watanuki said, gritting his teeth, voice still a bit gravelly from having woken up mere seconds ago. "So listen carefully." He took a deep breath and his voice was strangely level when he spoke again. "Stop possessing me" but with each syllable the volume steadily rose, "and stop _PUTTING ME IN DRESSES!!" _

Doumeki blankly stared at Watanuki, as he relaxed on the floor.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!!" Watanuki took a moment to think about what he had just said. "ACTUALLY THIS_ IS_ ILLEGAL! And I don't even want to ask where you keep getting these-these things from," Watanuki exclaimed and pointed down to the new version of lolita kink adorning him.

Amidst the rampant screaming and misplaced anger, Doumeki had come across an important realization.

From the way he sat with his hands behind him, bracing him up, he could…kind of see up Watanuki's skirt. And if he reclined his head back a bit more, he _definitely_ be able to see up Watanuki's skirt.

Hmm. Interesting.

"I thought you said you weren't playing pranks on me, you lia-" Watanuki halted his speech when he recognized that Doumeki's line of sight was nowhere near his face.

And also…why was it so drafty in here?

He didn't know how he could have missed it, but he determined, because he was mad his anger must have been clouding his perceptions. Watanuki shifted uncomfortably, pressed his knees together and nervously passed his hands over the skirt portion of the dress in an attempt to pull it down more. When that didn't abate his embarrassment, Watanuki plopped down on his futon and straddled the sheets, since he could sit no other way in _only_ a dress (yes, no underwear) without plenty of revealing on his part.

After about five seconds, when Doumeki determined that he could no longer see up Watanuki's skirt from this new position, he reverted back to staring him in the face, like nothing had happened.

Watanuki didn't even want to ask why his underwear was missing; he didn't even want to ask why Doumeki was staring up his skirt. He just didn't want to know, at least that way he could pretend things were normal between them, even if this situation screamed 'runthefuckaway'

This new position wasn't as revealing as the other, Doumeki concluded, but he couldn't complain, especially with Watanuki looking like some kind of innocent sweetness that boys fantasized about on a regular basis. The dress had hitched up past his knees and considering Watanuki had such long legs, it was impossible to find a lolita dress that covered all _that_.

The snap of a camera suddenly sounded through the room and Watanuki still splayed out on his futon, eyes now wide, found himself staring into the lens of an old box camera. It was set up on stilts and there was a black wire hanging from the back and trailing over to where Doumeki sat, the archer holding onto the end where a switch presided.

"Doumeki?" Watanuki asked, eyes glued to the camera and unsure of what to do. His answer was five more flashes fast enough to be considered as one.

"By the way, I possessed this camera too." Doumeki added as an afterthought.


	29. Memories are in the Making Part II

**A/n:** Still Saturday, but I'd just like to say sorry about the delay. My computer crashed and I lost this story and a bunch of other Xxxholic stories I was working on. It's depressing, but it's my fault. I should have saved them on a backup disk. I've already written out the ending for this story a long time ago, so I know where to take it. It's just that I hate having to write things over.

* * *

Taking a shower to scrub away all the dirtiness that came along with this morning, Watanuki made sure to use all the bacterial soap he had. 

When he was finished and getting ready to exit the bathroom, he peeked his head out and was satisfied to see that Doumeki had wandered off to do whatever it was he did when he wasn't possessing people and dressing them up in ridiculous—

No, today would be a normal day. It might have started up a little…weird, but he would salvage his Saturday afternoon.

Trotting over to his closet, Watanuki slid it open and took out some jeans and a shirt. He folded them over his arm and walking towards his dresser, he searched around for some boxers.

After this he'd have to go to the grocery. He could eat out, but there wasn't any place in particular he wanted to go and he felt like eating at home. He'd have to go to the supermarket to pick up some things. Maybe he'd stop by the bookstore on his way home and get that new manga he wanted…

Dropping his towel, Watanuki thought about all the ways he could spend the rare day off he'd gotten from his employer, and it filled him with happiness to know how relaxing today should be.

Watanuki began to put on his underwear, but the fluttering of his living room curtains stopped him from completing the task.

When did he open that window…?

"Where're you going?"

For that brief moment, Watanuki forgot how to work his fingers properly and he dropped his underwear to the ground.

There was a deafening pause. Everything had gone silent within the room, like time itself ceased to exist. Watanuki saw out of his peripheral that Doumeki was relaxing on his bed…

Watanuki closed his eyes, counted backwards to ten and then turned around, still very naked and still very conflicted over whether this was all just a figment of his imagination. When he saw the smug look on Doumeki's face he remembered that the world was truly an unfair place.

"GET-GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM YOU SICKO--GET OUT!!!" Watanuki flung the first thing he grabbed onto, and since he was next to his underwear draw, he had accidentally thrown a pair of his boxers at Doumeki.

The boy intercepted it and then gave him an even smugger look.

"DON'T-DON'T TOUCH MY UNDERWEAR, YOU CRETIN!"

"You threw it at me." Doumeki reasoned and didn't drop it just because he knew how much it bothered Watanuki.

"DON'T STAND THERE! GET OUT! GET OUT! CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THEN GET OUT!" Watanuki stumbled back into his closet and grabbed his jeans.

"What's wrong with you?" Doumeki asked and rested Watanuki's underwear in his lap.

"STOP TOUCHING MY—OH GOD JUST GET OUT!" Watanuki pulling on his jeans kept his eyes on Doumeki to see if the archer had heeded his warning. Doumeki was still sitting on his futon, but he now held something in his hands.

"Funny thing about this camera," Doumeki started and turned the possessed camera in his hands. "It's old, but it can take pictures without a flash." And with that said he stood up from the futon and walked through the adjacent wall, leaving a half-naked Watanuki to contemplate his words.


	30. Sick Puppy

It was such a beautiful day outside. The sun was shinning, the birds were chirping, the sky had not an ominous cloud in sight and there was an actual rainbow somewhere off in the distance.

Watanuki smiled to himself and clutched his hands to his chest dramatically. Oh if only the gods would bless him with another gift and send down dear, sweet Himawari-chan from the heavens --because she was an angel and it only made sense that she would be beamed down to him.

Oh that would be just--

"Idiot."

No that's not what it would be, but he commended Doumeki for trying to break his good mood. However, it could not be accomplished today, for today was Saturday. He had the day off and there was nothing short of the apocalypse that could damper his mood. He was ready to enjoy his day off to the fullest. He had a good feeling about today.

Watanuki, turning coolly towards his rival, purposely gave him a disinterested once over, while simultaneously 'hmphing' and sticking his nose at him. There was no one in the area, so Watanuki was confident he could lecture the miscreant without anyone calling his sanity into question.

"Say how much you want, I'm not bothered by you anymore. You've done your worst and I survived. You're nothing. Now be gone peasant." Watanuki tossed his head back, puffed his chest out and began to shoo the archer away with elegant, haughty gestures. "Shoo, go away. Scamper off back into the crevice from which you came."

Doumeki stood there with his arms crossed and looking none too put off by Watanuki shooing him off like a stray dog. Doumeki thought that it was almost cute how Watanuki believed there was nothing worse that he could do to him now that he had seen him naked and had taken pictures.

Watanuki obviously was underestimating him.

"Ah well, if you don't want to go away, it won't bother me. Why you're not even noticeable. What was that?" Watanuki shaded his eyes with his hand and exaggeratedly squinted at the spot that Doumeki was standing in. "Why I can't even see you anymore. Your powers of annoyance are wearing off Doumeki." Watanuki said in innocent tones and then put a hand over his mouth and cackled.

Watanuki, turning on his heels and walking in the other direction brought up a hand and snapped his fingers. "C'mon Doumeki. If you're a good boy, I might let you talk to me." Watanuki snapped his fingers some more and Doumeki was surprised at how Watanuki baiting him had no effect. Watanuki could probably stab him in the chest and he wouldn't be able to get angry at him.

Ah the powers of love.

And hormones. Let's not forget the hormones.

Doumeki, watching Watanuki swagger off followed after him. They had reached a busy intersection before he realized it and Watanuki in the chipper mood that he was glanced over to the person next to him and greeted them. The older woman smiled back at him and nodded her own greetings.

Standing in the background and watching the formal pleasantries exchanged between Watanuki and his neighbor, Doumeki made up his mind to act on his impulse than fight it. He always tried to think things through before coming to a conclusion, but these days Watanuki's presence had thrown that tendency off, and as the saying went 'desperate times did call for desperate measures.' Watanuki had brought this on himself.

Walking up behind Watanuki, Doumeki took one glance at the older lady standing next to the blue-eyed boy. The archer shrugged off the warning signals and proper etiquette that he had been brought up with and then promptly proceeded to grab Watanuki's ass.

Watanuki went instantly stiff at the contact, and his lower lip quivered in quiet indignation as he stood there between the politely smiling older woman and a crowd full of other unaware people, all pleasantly waiting for the light to change while he was being manhandled from behind.

"I wonder what would happen if you screamed right now?" Doumeki said with no particular rush, as he had all the time in the world. Doumeki showed more outer emotion kicking a pebble down the street than grabbing Watanuki in places that should not be grabbed out in public…or in privacy for that matter, as they weren't going out.

Yet.

It was fun to see Watanuki worry his bottom lip and try to keep in the yell of certain words that he knew would suspiciously sound like "sexual harassment" or "help!" or "rape!"

Doumeki, putting his other hand around Watanuki's front and leaning forward, breathed in his ear, "I don't like being snapped at." But he was kind of lying, as there was something appealing about Watanuki trying to boss him around. He generally didn't like bossy people, but Watanuki was the exception. He could boss him around all he liked.

Watanuki moistened his bottom lip and glanced fleeting over at the older woman next to him. He looked like he was very close to saying to hell with it and jay-sprinting his way to the other side of the street before the longest cross-walk signal in the history of cross-walk signals changed to green.

Doumeki shifted the hand on Watanuki's ass back and forth and the resounding 'hnnn' made it even more satisfying. A business man, who had been checking his watch at that moment went wide-eyed at the noise and turned to stare at the boy next to him. Watanuki noticed the attention and gave him a weak smile before apologizing with a breathless murmur.

The man blushing for reason he didn't even understand, nodded his head and quickly turned back to face front.

Doumeki thought that this was _definitely_ how you spent a Saturday afternoon.


	31. Mangled Fruit on Aisle 5

After all the things that had happened between them: the constant following, the privacy issues, the voyeurism, the baiting with inappropriate comments that would have made any mother in the street force feed him soap, the scaring away of potential competition, the starvation, the endless possessions and byproduct of Lolita wear, the stolen half and whole kisses, the awkward words, the slight irritation, the hormonal imbalance, the incriminating photos, and the icing on the cake: the blatant groping.

Doumeki had made up his mind to definitely approach Watanuki on his feelings.

He could beat around the bush like any schoolboy with a crush, but there was a limit to how much pigtail pulling he could accomplish before something gave way.

Watanuki was starting to notice that maybe, _maybe_ Doumeki had a slight crush on him. He didn't appreciate the way he'd found out, public molestation was never a good way to tell someone you liked them, but Doumeki was somewhat…well _very_ socially retarded and the dofus didn't look like someone who could communicate his feelings without offending you in the process.

Of course, crushes didn't always have to mean undying love and Watanuki could admit that maybe, _maybe_ he had a…stupid, niggling crush on the idiot when his brain wasn't functioning properly.

Doumeki could be -- and Watanuki could only admit this under severe torture, but Doumeki when he wasn't being a flaming asshole, could be strangely nice when he wanted to be.

They hung out with each other enough to where there were bound to be some type of feelings circulating between them, whether it be outright hate or everything after that, it was a bond. Dysfunctional and inept as it was, he had to admit it was bond.

However, bond or not, he still thought Himawari-chan was his fairy tale princess and Doumeki was his rival in love. Ingrained thinking like that wouldn't disappear because there was another reason --on top of Doumeki being an ultimate asshole to the third degree -- why the archer made it his sole duty in life to irritate the sanity out of him.

The way he saw it, this was yet another bit of selfishness that Doumeki threw his way for the benefit of ruining his life. Profess some feelings and then screw up his chances of ever seeing where his beautiful Himawari-rainbow ended.

Doumeki could have been a little patient --

Maybe approached him a couple of years from now, when he had lost that arrogant attitude of his and all the mighty stupid things he had done over the past few weeks had became fuzzy and clouded with memory.

At least wait _that_ long--

The nerve to just grab his ass without any sort of warning and then be a jerk about it--

What the hell--?!!

Someone was going to get his share of threats -- right after he was finished picking out a suitable piece of avocado for the Futomaki he was making tonight. Yeah, then Doumeki would get it.

"Are you finished?" Doumeki was leaning against a crate of produce, and staring at a piece of bruised fruit, like it was just too much work to look at the person you were talking to.

Watanuki remained tight-lipped, as there were people on all sides off him and to start talking (shouting) at Doumeki, would make him look bad (insane).

"Are you still mad about what I did?" Doumeki asked, and poked a finger through the fruit he was admiring.

Watanuki made a disgruntled noise, shuffled back and forth in his spot, and gave that up to glare at the archer leaning casually on the crate.

"You shouldn't be so surprised." Doumeki told him, no, lectured him, like he had a PhD in consoling those who had been wrongly groped by ghosts out in public.

Was there even a hotline for that?

"I gave you lots of clues." Doumeki said, like _that_ could explain away the horrible embarrassment he was feeling.

Out of the entire planet, no the entire galaxy, universe, black hole, interstellar whatever, there could be no one with as much gall as one Shizuka Doumeki.

"I think you're overreacting."

"**…**"

There was a pregnant silence following Doumeki's words, but if you listened closely enough, the straining sound of fingers tightening around a piece of innocent fruit could be heard, followed closely by a squishing sound.


	32. The Simple Joys of Death

Watanuki had roused himself out of bed at around seven.

Now there was a good reason--a very good reason for him to roll out of bed at such an early hour on a Sunday morning. That reason was currently staring him in the face.

"What are you doing?" Watanuki tried not to sound freaked out, but waking up and having Doumeki staring at him was just…all kinds of creepy that could even give Yuko-san's smile a run for her money.

Doumeki shrugged his shoulders and told him. "It's Sunday. You can sleep in."

You can sleep…in? Well obviously not with you staring at me like…

"What the hell are you doing?" Watanuki interrogated with a suspicious glint in his eye.

"Today's the last day," Doumeki tossed out and got up from the floor. "I'm just preparing myself."

That suspicion grew from the tiny speck into a sheen that coated his entire eyeball. "For what exactly?"

"Stuff," Doumeki paraphrased and looked at him so intensely that Watanuki felt like someone had picked him up and slammed him into a wall.

…Well someone had learned how to use his powers for evil. Watanuki had no doubt that Doumeki knew exactly what he was currently doing--the smirk on his face was a big clue if he'd ever saw one.

"Cut that out or I'm calling the cops," and telling them that I'm being manhandled by a ghost, that is not actually touching me, but is really using his spiritual energy to give me creepy-touchie-vibes.

"It's the last day," Doumeki reminded him like that would make it okay for him to try out his newly acquired powers of annoyance on him. Doumeki really had the worst timing EVER.

But his stupidity was bringing something to the forefront that Watanuki had noticed ever since Doumeki had become a ghost. "Do you even care that you're a ghost right now-- I mean, doesn't it bother you just a little bit --and don't tell me its because you're going to be brought back to life, because, even, I mean, still you should be bothered by it. No one could adapt like this --and stop staring at me like I don't have any clothes on."

"Can you repeat yourself?" Doumeki asked, with a couple of slow blinks thrown in there to make it look like he'd come out of a daze.

"I'm not repeating that." This was stupid. "Look, if Yuko-san can't make you normal again…how would you feel, is all I'm trying to ask?"

Doumeki shrugged his shoulders. "That would be unfortunate."

"Then say it with some _feeling_," Watanuki seethed.

"But it wouldn't be all bad," Doumeki amended. "It has its good points." And the way he was looking at him, Watanuki could guess what those good points were.

Doumeki was the only person who would classify sexual harassment as a good point.

"So…what're you trying to say?" Scary as his answer might be, this could possibly give him some insight into Doumeki's sense of doing things.

"I might miss this." Doumeki told him. "It was fun."

It was fun?

"You put me through--you put me through living hell for longer than any human being should have to endure…and it was…_fun_?" Watanuki felt his eyes narrow of their own accord, his teeth grind into his bottom lip and his hands grope around his futon to find something heavy (and possibly sharp) to throw at the unsympathetic bastard.

"It's how I imagined living with you would be like," Doumeki said with an ease that was disgusting to witness.

"And that's fun to you?" Watanuki's hands were still searching his covers for that most heavy and preferably sharp object.

"If I put earplugs on and you didn't try to hit me as much—then, yeah, I guess it's nice."

Fortunately his hand latched onto the manga he'd been reading the night before and he readily threw it at the archer, all the while intensely hoping since he could touch ghost Doumeki that the objects he came into contact with could also touch (strike, knock-over, stab) him as well.

"Throwing stuff counts as hitting too," Doumeki offered helpfully after the object had harmlessly passed right through him and plopped into the wall behind.


	33. Oopsie

"I want Doumeki back the way he was," Watanuki said, and didn't know what kind of twilight-zone-freakishness he'd been hit with if he could spout that revelation and not subsequently burst into flames of utter wrongness.

"You don't enjoy having your own twenty-four hour bodyguard," Yuko looked completely aghast at the mere suggestion that he would not like ghost Doumeki. "This is your last chance to keep him the way he is," she said slyly, and Watanuki knew when he was being teased.

Although would Yuko-san really leave Doumeki the way he was if given the chance? The world would never know, because he would never let it.

"Bring him back the way he was." He said sternly, obviously not in the mood to kid around because if he didn't get some privacy time soon, he'd start burning things with matches.

"Of course," Yuko-san glowed and clapped her hands together. "I've been looking forward to seeing if this would actually work. I've never brought anyone back to life before."

There was the distinct sound of splintering hope coming from somewhere inside the room…

"But we can always try and try again," Yuko-san reasoned, like he was a child and the moral of this story was 'practice made perfect,' or more accurately to how he was being screwed over, 'when you see a man in the road and he offers you candy, goddamit take it, and follow him to his car so you can get more.'

"Hmm…we _should_ get it on the first try. Although, if we don't, there's always next week," Yuko-san said, a purely predatory smile stretching out maroon colored lips.

While somewhere in this dark room, quickly following that noise of shattered faith was the simple crying of a teenaged boy.

Yuko-san completely ignored it and turned to Doumeki. "Would it be alright with you if that were to happen, Doumeki-kun?"

Doumeki looked over at the crying boy and then back at her. "It's fine."

"Well now that that's settled." Yuko-san, stepping over the crying boy in her path, did not walk over to the door as intended, but stood still for some quiet moments before turning around, stepping back over the sobbing youth splayed on her finely varnished floor and then stooped down next to him.

"I'll be needing your help Watanuki, so please come with me."


	34. U Haul Services

"I just can't"-- laborious groan, "I can't understand how you're so heavy when you don't look it at all." Watanuki, kneeling down under the weight on his back, glared at the archer walking calmly beside him and more importantly unburdened.

"Makes me wonder if you have a black hole in your stomach…god it'd explain how heavy you are without the actual weight gain." Watanuki stumbled forward and suddenly fell on his face, the very dead weight of Doumeki's physical body crashing down right on top of him.

After a minute of struggling and squiggling, Watanuki was finally able to slide out from under the oppressive weight and sit up.

Doumeki, who had witnessed the whole squirmy dance that went on between his physical body and Watanuki couldn't help, but as strange as it was, be a little envious of his corpse.

"I should just drag you over there," Watanuki breathed out, cheeks flushed and clothes rumpled, as he adjusted his glasses and rolled up his sleeves.

Doumeki leaned up against a wall, waiting for his entertainment to be provided, and it was not long in coming when Watanuki leaned over his corpse, slipped a hand under his chest and began to try and turn him forward.

However, dead weight was an unruly thing and with Watanuki not the most coordinated person (he was a super-klutz) the moment he pulled the corpse to sit up, the body fell forward and right into Watanuki's arms.

Watanuki then went on to make a big struggle of it, but Doumeki was too distracted by the visual fact that he…er his corpse was very much in Watanuki's personal space, as the head of his body had made itself a nice little home in the crook of Watanuki neck, while the boy tried to get a secure hold on his back and gently place him on the floor.

Watanuki was practically hugging him…er it.

Watanuki began to ease the corpse back, but the weight was pulling of its own accord and Watanuki not wanting him to fall back and hit his head on the solid floor, slid a hand behind his head and eased his own knees on either side of him, so he was slowly lowering him to the floor.

Doumeki wondered if this was one of those mirages that you would see in deserts, which could very much be the case here, as he was quite sure one of those desert-mirages would not be out of place in a shop that granted wishes.

And if having Watanuki straddling him, with one of his hands behind his neck and his lucky (lucky) corpse's head shoved up against Watanuki's chest was the real thing and not some desert mirage, then this wish-granting store was very good at its job.

Now the only thing that could make this any better would be if he could possess himself, but he knew Watanuki wouldn't be going through all of this if he could—and damn, he'd have possessed himself in a heartbeat if it enabled him a chance to get under _that_.

Watanuki tossed his head back and breathed out, "You better thank me properly for saving you from imminent concussion." He scooted off his lap, to the immediate bereft of Doumeki, walked back over to the corpse's head and began to drag him by hold he had under his shoulders.

"You know," Watanuki huffed out, looking down at the corpse as he spoke, "I think I like you better like this." He followed that with evil cackling; even when he was tired from all the strenuous…stuff he'd been doing on top of him…

"He's not so annoying," which translated to: corpseDoumeki doesn't talk back to me or ask me for stuff that's not seasonally possible.

"Yeah, you could probably beat him at track," Doumeki retorted and waited for all the seven hells of Watandom to come raining down on his--

"PROBABLY!!YOU CAN'T EVEN BEAT ME SO I DON'T THINK I'LL HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH YOUR CORPSE!!!"

"You say that now."

"I'LL SAY THAT FOREVER!" Watanuki yelled and was this close to dropping the corpse in his hand and tackling spiritDoumeki into the nearest wall. But all the loud shouting was taking up much lung capacity and he felt really winded all of sudden. It also didn't help matters that he was dragging a full-grown boy.

Watanuki halted and began to sit down.

"Man, I'd tell you to eat less, but this is partially my fault for feeding you so much…" Doumeki was like a stray dog being spoiled rotten by a kind person's pity (YES PITY DAMMIT!)

"You're going on a diet." Watanuki told him and Doumeki nodded his head along, too distracted by the way Watanuki had sat back and rested the corpse's (lucky bastard) head in his lap.

"I'm taking a breather. Why don't you go make yourself useful and tell Yuko-san I'll be there in a sec," Watanuki shooed him away, but Doumeki didn't feel inclined to leave Watanuki yet, as the image of his er…the corpse's head on Watanuki's lap should get more viewing time.

"Are you even listening to me? Hey, go and tell Yuko-san that I'm coming."

Doumeki, feeling he was going to be robbed of something precious, dallied in that spot and thought up a way of wiping out this problem.

"C'mon, hurry it up. Are you deaf now on top of stupid?"

Doumeki, thinking about what he should do, finally came to a solution and called upon one specific ghostly power that had helped him out of many a difficult situation.

"No, put that camera away. Don't think I don't know what you're going to do with that. And I don't care if your dead or whatever the hell you are, you manners-deficient sea slug, I'll wait for you to be resurrected and kill right on the spot. Don't think I won't do it."

Doumeki slowly put the camera away.


	35. THE HORROR!

"Where do you want me to put this thing?"

Yuko-san pointed to a spot behind her without lifting her head.

Watanuki, dragging corpse-Doumeki the last couple of feet towards that spot, sat him down and leaned him against a wall. They were all currently in the back of the shop, where the well sat and the wet laundry was hung out to dry.

He noticed how gray and morose the sky appeared today, and Watanuki hoped that the weather would hold out until they were finished with whatever they had to do here.

"So what do I do next?" Watanuki asked, as he got up from his stoop next to corpse-Doumeki and walked over to her. He saw no way around helping out with Doumeki's resurrection, and it could only benefit him, as the faster they got this over with, the faster he got his privacy time.

Yuko-san smiled at him, like he'd just sold his soul to her for a second time, but this time around without any compensation on her part. Then with an elegant gesture, she pointed to Doumeki's corpse, without looking again, and told him, "I need you to strip Doumeki please."

"Excuse me?" Watanuki asked, and he looked very calm when he said it, which meant he hadn't heard what Yuko-san had asked him to do. Doumeki didn't think he'd heard Yuko-san very well either, because she couldn't have asked--

"Please strip down Doumeki-kun's physical body," She repeated without batting an eyelash.

Watanuki took off his glasses (still very abnormally calm), cleaned them with the bottom of his shirt, put them back on, and then promptly threw himself down at Yuko-san's feet.

"DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS PLEASE! I SAID I'D DO ANYTHING TO BRING THAT BASTARD BACK, BUT THERE'S A LINE THAT NO PERSON SHOULD HAVE TO CROSS. I HAVE PRIDE. DON'T MAKE ME GIVE UP MY PRIDE! IT'S THE ONLY THING I HAVE IN THIS CRUEL WORLD!"

There was a 'hmph' sound at the word 'pride' from behind Watanuki, and the boy turned from his loud sobbing to fiercely glare at the archer.

Doumeki was unfazed by the glaring, even if it felt like there was a hole currently being burned into his skull--none of that mattered in the greater scheme of Watanuki having to undress him…heh.

"PLEASE!" Watanuki pivoted back around, like his neck was made out of spring, and gripped onto his employer's dress. "YOU CAN'T! I'M SO INNOCENT! WHY MUST YOU TAKE MY INNOCENCE AWAY?!"

Yuko-san coolly looked down and tried to nudge Watanuki away with her heel, so he wouldn't wrinkle the fabric on her kimono.

"Doumeki's body must go through physical cleansing, just as his soul must go through spiritual purification to be one with his body again. It is a simple task Watanuki, but if you do not wish to do this then I suggest you get used to Doumeki haunting you."

"NO" Watanuki cried softly, and big tear drops were on his eyelashes. "I WON'T BE ABLE TO DO IT!" He looked for sympathy from his employer and the older woman, stooping down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder and said, "Then try and try again."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOO!"

Even if he was used to Watanuki's frightening outburst, that one surely took the cake.

Doumeki was quite certain everyone on the planet now knew of Watanuki's dilemma-- Not that he cared, Watanuki would still have to undress him either way and that was all that mattered in the end.

Watanuki, sniffling and rubbing at his face, turned pleading, saucer-sized eyes on him next. "Doumeki" he sobbed, "tell her this is too much. This is an invasion of _your _privacy."

His privacy? Hmm, that was rich. Watanuki could invade his privacy (private parts…whatever) all he wanted. He wouldn't mind one bit.

"You understand, right?" Watanuki crawled over and held his ankle in a deathgrip. His eyes were full of water and his cheeks were red, his mouth was trembling and it wouldn't take much too make him burst into tears again.

"Do whatever Yuko-san says."

--Too bad Watanuki looked adorable when he cried.

There was a half an hour of hiccups, sniffling, outright shrieking and prayer. If someone had passed by, they would have sworn a funeral was taking place in Yuko-san's backyard, or preparations for one, as Watanuki's screams were racking up the scale of bloody murder.

"PLEASE!!" He begged Yuko-san and the woman looked at him without a speck of compassion.

"I don't have all day, Watanuki." She tapped her foot impatiently and cleaned one of her nails with her thumb. "I could always resched-"

"NO!" Watanuki jumped up from his dead sprawl and looked her right in the eyes. It seemed when faced with the very real possibility of having ghost-Doumeki for another week, Watanuki would rather brave naked-Doumeki.

A firm look crossed his face. "I'll…" he said under his breath, which was quite a change from the shrieking and shouting. "I'll…I'll do it." At his acquiesce, his shoulders instantly sagged and all the fight seemed to be dragged out of him.

He walked over to Doumeki's physical body, like it was the execution chair. He took one last pleading look at Yuko-san, but the woman shook her head gravely, like there was nothing she could do to help him.

Doumeki, who was standing to the side, thought he should be offended by the grave manner in which these two were treating the act of stripping him, but since he was how he was, it actually took a lot to offend him. And really, he was too busy getting himself a good seat for the upcoming show.

Watanuki sat down in front of his physical body, reached out a hand, and then quickly pulled it back. "I'm having second thoughts." Watanuki tried to back pedal away from him, but someone (Doumeki) nudged (pushed) him back in his original spot.

"I'M SCARED!" He shouted, and it was the first time he'd openly admitted being frightened. Ghosts and every type of spiritual entity could sneak up and attack him, and he had always put on a brave front, but one word of naked-Doumeki and he was crying, and pleading, and yelling out "I'm scared!" at the top of his lungs.

"I think I'll go get something to drink," Yuko-san said to no one in particular, and Watanuki turned back around and aimed a terrified look at the woman.

"NO! I can…" Yuko and Doumeki waited for him to finish his sentence.

"I can't do this." Watanuki finished and slumped forward. He took one look at slumbering Doumeki and he began to inch away. "This is intimidating."

"Oh well, next time then…"

"NO! I CAN DO THIS!" Watanuki slapped both his palms over his cheeks. Resolve now burned in his eyes (It was a yellow color) and he straightened his posture, sitting upright and almost heroically in front of them. "It's like undressing a puppet--or a manikin. Yeah, a manikin. A Doumeki-manikin," he breathed and reached a hand out tentatively towards Doumeki's corpse.

He got one button undone and then stopped, took a deep breath, and then unbuttoned another. "Not so hard. This is easy. I can do this," he chanted to himself.

Doumeki, enjoying the view of Watanuki undressing him (when would he ever get the chance to say those words again) wondered if he could milk this situation for more than it was worth.

"Does he have to get naked too?" Doumeki asked Yuko-san.

Yuko-san smirked at him and then gave him a look that plainly said, 'You're pushing your luck.'

Eh…he tried.

"Not so bad. I can do this." Watanuki had practically hypnotized himself with this mantra, but Doumeki was pretty sure reality would catch up with him fast when he had to work on something that wasn't his shirt.

Watanuki slipped the shirt off of him, while trying not to look, but his eyes ended up looking anyway and he suddenly had a very embarrassed, shifty expression on his face.

He folded the shirt methodically to get his mind away from…shirtless Doumeki (which apparently looked good shirtless…!)

--Watanuki slapped himself across the face and finished folding the shirt.

"Don't forget my pants," Doumeki said helpfully, and now right behind him.

He had moved to get a closer look of the blush on Watanuki's face, and the boy, not expecting to have spirit-Doumeki so close, jumped forward and ended up hugging Doumeki's physical body--shirtless! Let's not forget he was shirtless.

Watanuki quickly fell back and crab-scuttled away from the shirtless…god why couldn't he focus on anything else, but the shirtless-ness?

"Pants," Doumeki reminded him, and Watanuki was this close to turning around and kicking him in the mouth, but then it occurred to him--

He would have to take off Doumeki's pants.

"Meep," Watanuki cried in a pathetically, small voice. He stared at the dreaded belt buckle and his hands fisted in his own pants leg.

…But he had to remind himself that this was for the good of getting his life back. Plus, Doumeki was a guy. They were both guys. They had the same parts. This wasn't anything he couldn't handle.

Watanuki, with his mind now made up, grabbed the belt buckle and began to unclasp it without hesitation.

Doumeki raised an eyebrow at this turn of events, as he watched Watanuki's quick methodical motions that soon had him divested off his belt. He then set the belt aside and began to unfasten his pants and unzip him.

Watanuki looked up when it was time to pull his pants down, his slender fingers hooking in the belt loops and starting to tug them down. Watanuki turned his head in Doumeki's direction and there was a look of utter triumph on his face. An unusual kind of triumph that bellowed out, 'I undressed you and I did it and I so won whatever the hell it was we were fighting over in my head and take that Doumeki's clothes!'

However, Doumeki was not the sort of person that lost, and in concerns to the boy next to him and grinning in triumph, this principle was even more valid. Watanuki should only victoriously grin at him when he'd completely gotten all his clothes off.

There was a focused look on Watanuki's face, as he realized that in order to get Doumeki's pants completely off, he would have to move a little closer and lift him up slightly. And so, wrapping an around Doumeki's waist, Watanuki began to blindly struggle with raising Doumeki up the necessary amount of space, while his head was up in the air and intently admiring a passing cloud that looked kind of like…shirtless Doumeki!!!

"AH!" Watanuki suddenly shouted, and ended up practically falling in Doumeki's lap, which scared him many times over, considering that his rival was naked.

Doumeki was intently patting himself down for his camera (eyes still locked on the vision of Watanuki in his naked lap) but gave that up when he heard Watanuki make a thoroughly violated sound, before clawing away from his corpse and letting out a high pitched: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOO_O!_"

There was one more "O" than the last time, so Doumeki could tell from this that Watanuki had brushed up against a certain part of his anatomy when he'd fallen into his lap. There really was no other explanation for that extra "O."

Watanuki, quickly ripping of his pants and boxers, eyes to the sky and mouth busy in prayer, dropped everything and suddenly ran out of the backyard like his ass was on fire.

After he had watched Watanuki jump the low gate and run into the front yard, Doumeki looked over to his naked corpse and thought, 'what a lucky bastard.'


End file.
